Tag Archives: Humour

Craigzies

As we are planning our move to India. Numerous tasks lie ahead of us, one fundamental and most cumbersome one is, getting rid of all the junk we accumulated collectively over half a decade. Husband swiftly played the “busy” card and the onus of selling all our stuff fell on my shoulders. I braced myself  and decided to embrace the magical world of craigslist.

An inventory list was made and  posted on the good old craigslist. Soon, my inbox was flooded with hundreds of emails. I started communicating with these strangers. Some e – haggling ensued, was stood up by many. Eventually, I sold most of our stuff, which kind of deserves a small pat on the back. During this tremulous time of opening my doors to random strangers, I did receive some responses which well, lets just say deserve a special mention. So, here we go:

It’s all in the name

This lovely email exchange is regarding our car. The lady interested was bound and determined to know my “real” name:

Liz:   hello I was very interested in your vehicle and wondering when I can look at it.

Me:  Can you come today to take a look, what is your availability like?

Liz:  Any reason you have a false name as your account?

Me:  I can show you the car on Wednesday, any time between 9-10 am. I am not sure what you mean by false name on my account.

Liz:  Shreya tiwari? She’s an actor.

Me: Really? Never heard of that. Neways are you interested in the car?

Liz: No I’m not interested in a car with a person who has a fake name.

Sure, there is just one Shreya Tiwari in the whole world and every one else is forbidden to take that name.

Gift you must give

This classy gentleman wanted something I listed for 100 bucks, as a gift for a friend:

Josh:   Thanks for getting back to me,i need this item urgently for someone as a gift,i am offering you $520 for the item including shipping Via USP Express  Mail Service(EMS) , am offering you this to keep other buyers off, so i will like you to get back with your PayPal account email for the payment  immediately and  more over i want to know why you are selling the item because i was introduce to this site by a friend of mine at work. Get Back Asap…

Yes, Josh, pay $520 instead of  $100  and you do not look shady at all!

I am so busy, I send my assistant on craigslist errands

This email might remind you of the time when you got discovered as a worthy heir, as  your uncle in Nigeria passed away and left you all his wealth:

William:

Hello,
How are you doing today? I have gone through your ad once again on craigslist and i am interested in purchasing the above mentioned. I am buying the item for my step son and his wife to be. They are the ones that contacted you at first to know if you still have it.I am paying Via Money Order and it will get to you within 1-2days.Please get back to me with your full information for payment to be sent out immediately i receive it through UPS Delivery Service.

Below are the information required:
Full Name:
Mailing Address (Not P.O Box…FedEx do not deliver to Box):
City :
States :
Zip/Postal Code:
Phone number :

I will like us to get this transaction done with as soon as possible. As soon as i receive your information, I will instruct my assistant to go right away and send the payment to you today. UPS drop box is just a stone throw to to office.I will be offering you $50 extra to hold the item in my favor because i am sure that there will be other interested people.  As per Pick Up, I will make arrangement with my shipping company to come for the pick-up after payment has been received by you.I want you to take the posting off craigslist today and consider it sold to me.

Best Regards.

William

This almost made me choke on my morning tea.

P.S. The names have been changed to protect the craigzies. All the conversations are verbatim

Any craigslist tales out there?

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Filed under Fun Stuff

The World is Not Flat

sky-diving-shute-harbour

I know,I know, the folks from Greece came up with the stuff about earth being a sphere and all, some 5000 years back. I just happen to see it myself. Yes!! I jumped off a plane. Literally.

When I shared my penchant for sky diving, fiance retorted,”Can’t you hold it off until after the wedding? I do not want any crutches in our wedding pictures.” I came up with my own theory:

a. There is no possibility of getting crutches, if things do go south ( and by things, I mean me, up  at 11000   feet), they will really go south.

b.  It is better to have no wife at all than having one and then, not having one.

He pretty much threw his hands up after b. After this repartee,there was no telling the parents about planes or jumping off them.

The  date was set to first Saturday of October. I kept thinking about the impending adventure from day 1 of the week before. My excitement was tantamount to a child’s very first visit to Disney or a teenage boy’s first peek at you know what magazine. No fear had crept in yet. So, far I was pretty bad ass.

So, the day arrives, a beautiful one. I meet up with my friends, Dave and Jenn at the skydiving place, around noon.These two are my great friends and in general awesome.They are kind of veterans at sky diving(they ditched me last time they went).This time I made sure that I wasn’t left behind. It was hard to decide if, it’s reassuring that they are coming for a re-dive or the fact that they kept scaring me off with their goof up tales from last time. Mostly, they were just messing with me. We all decided to take pictures and videos of our jump.

The lady ushered us to a room with a huge television and told us that we are about to watch a safety video. The screen came to life and a stern looking lawyer started talking. All the talk was about, how you could die/become cripple skydiving and that if you do, you can not sue them. She said this in may be 50 different ways. When every one was about to fall asleep, a guy came up on the screen and gave the actual safety instructions. We bolted out the door as soon as  the video ended.

I meet up with the guy who was gonna jump with me and the videographer. I get into my jump suit. I was hoping for it to be orange but settled with a deep blue. Next, I was harnessed up and ready to roll. No fear yet.

I waive at the camera and get into the plane after my instructor. Jenn and Dave will jump first and then me. Plane wobbles a little on the runway and then takes off. It is a pleasant change to not to listen to any tiny humans crying during the take off. Soon, we are at 5000 feet up and the views are spectacular. I am feeling great, still.

I am sitting on my toes at the sill of a moving aircraft’s door.The wind rushes at a pace of 150 miles/hour, at my face. The guy starts counting.. 3-2-1! My heart skips a beat and I am off the aircraft, twirling like a leaf. A little perplexed as to my surroundings and then it hits me. I see the curvature of  the earth. I see the first of  fall colors,  dots of reds hiding amongst yellows and greens. I see a river, the water is blue like the bluest of skies and glistens like myriads of stars on a starry night. The guy with the camera appears in front of my face and I come back to reality. I am still up in the sky, yet carefree. Not being scared, scared me a little. I started smiling, waiving, blowing kisses at the camera, and a salute too!(Don’t know why I did it?). Will have to find a way to erase that from the tape. Okay, time to pull the rip chord, I waived my rights to pull the cord myself at the plane so, the guy did it. The parachute opened, we lurched up a little and then started going down at a steady pace.This probably was the  most serene moment, I have ever experienced. I am moving slowly through the atmosphere, all the adrenaline rush is gone. I can feel the gentle breeze on my face. I see a flock of birds flying right next to me. I pretend to be one of them. I keep falling, slowly. We do a few turns, I see the ground rushing at me. Time to put my feet up, o oh too late! I was so lost in getting the most out of this little journey that I forgot, it was about to end. I land abruptly on my feet. No major harm done.

I  say good byes to my instructor and the camera guy and rush to hug Jenn and Dave. We exchange our experiences, Dave shows off a little about his picture perfect face and Jenn sulks about missing the rip cord by a few seconds. We high five and wait for Vishesh(fiance) to land, who happens to be the co-pilot of our plane :). He looks happy to see us all in one piece and makes me promise that, I will never ever jump off a perfectly good plane again. That is still in question. If we ever go to New-Zealand, the promise will automatically become void. Just saying.

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Filed under Adventure